I cannot

I do not know how much longer I can deal with this. I have tried everything I can think of physically, mentally, and spiritually to cope with what is happening with me and my chronic pain. And I cannot. I simply cannot.

I think it is the headache that is starting to break me down. This headache that I have had for over two years. That rears its ugly head every so often to let me know it means business. This pain that will not go away no matter what I do.

I am struggling. And my suffering may just be too much to bear.







SO, my friends, it has been awhile.

I have been having some ups and downs lately. Not sleeping. It is effecting my mood and my overall desire to do anything. I just feel like I am drifting away. I am just floating in free space.

I get discouraged because I don’t see improvement in my condition. No one knows why I am in so much pain. I am simply treating symptoms without being able to touch the cause. My life is a series of bandaids on a wound requiring stitches.


Where do I go from here?



Protein Bars/Pain Update

It has been about a week since my pain decided to grace me with its presence. This week I am not eating any of my protein bars (contain peanuts) to see if that would help eliminate that as a possible for the pain returning.

I drive 80 plus miles a day for work, and in the car one of the easiest things to eat when you can’t stop is my protein bar. Plus, it is kind of indulgent of me because it is the closest thing I can have to a cookie tasting item. So I’ve been eating an average of 2 per day. I usually try to not let myself go over but sometimes I am working from 8 to 8 and do not have much time for a break. Excuses, excuses–I know.

Verdict: So far, I have not experienced much difference. My pain was extreme Friday as we discussed, and Saturday I had both those massages which I think ultimately helped. Sunday and Monday my pain was noticeable but not crippling. Tuesday it was a little more intense but I also had a few more stressful occurrences yesterday than normal between work and trying to get an oil change so that could be the culprit or it could be the fact it went from 70’s to 30’s overnight.

Today my pain is in full swing again, like last Friday. The best way to describe the pain is to imagine your bone trying to pull your muscle away from your skin while twisting and pulling your muscles downward. I guess a simpler image would be hundreds of knives penetrating the skin and making thousands of 1 inch slits, not to be dramatic or anything.

I will update if I have any new realizations.


Chronic sinusitis

I went to my second follow up with my ENT after my sinus surgery back in the summer. The surgery was to help correct my nasal passage flow because I was diagnosed with Chronic Sinusitis. He told me at my last visit that I would not start feeling complete relief until about this time, November. I had to give the surgery and new passage ways time to heal and my body acclimated with the new flow.

I told him that my sinus pressure was better than the last time I visited, it wasn’t completely gone because sometimes I got severe pressure. I figured that was from the weather changing. I also explained that about 2-4 every day for the last 3 weeks, I have become severely congested to the point I cannot breathe out of my nose. My doctor thought this was unusual and one thing came to mind about this same time frame. This is the same time frame when your body has a natural dip in cortisol (I believe that is what he said, correct me if I’m wrong). That is why everyone experiences a lull at around 3 p.m. in the afternoon. He suggested that I use a nasal spray with cortisol that will hopefully proactively avoid the congestion. I was using a nasal spray decongestant to help relief the congestion and then I’d be fine until 2-4 the next day. So I will try this nose spray for two weeks and report back to see if it helps.

I will update if I find out good or poor results with this. Here is to having less sinus pressure and headaches!