I have been having some ups and downs lately. Not sleeping. It is effecting my mood and my overall desire to do anything. I just feel like I am drifting away. I am just floating in free space.
I get discouraged because I don’t see improvement in my condition. No one knows why I am in so much pain. I am simply treating symptoms without being able to touch the cause. My life is a series of bandaids on a wound requiring stitches.
I am sick and tired, sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. It’s generally not ideal to feel like walking death in some unbearable form or fashion. Remaining positive proves difficult when you just keep getting knocked down by the mega punch of bad health every 5 minutes. This crap is ridiculous. “Just hang in there” they say, “things will get better” they say, “you’ll catch a break soon” they say! Well excuse me for being ungrateful and impatient but I think a plethora of years is long enough to wait to feel “normal” for 24 mother f’ing hours. How am I supposed to remain positive when every small accomplishment (which I try to revel in) is met by a greater set back that crushes my spirits like a young child finding out Santa isn’t real. No one wants to be told that what they thought was good doesn’t really exist.
I am sick and tired of being too sick and too tired to keep plans and always having to be the one that cancels or changes or sucks it up for the good of the team. I am sick and tired of people saying to me “I just wish the doctors could figure out what’s wrong with you.” DOCTORS DON’T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME and they are half the reason I feel so shitty now anyways. They throw medicine at all my symptoms hoping to make it stop when in fact they are now causing permanent new symptoms. And I’m sick and tired of everyone’s pretentious pity parties for me feeling ill and incurable and not wanting to hid it for the day. I am OVER IT, simply over it. Done, put a fork in me, I’m threw.
Dear Friends, let’s talk headaches. I have taken to thinking of clever ways to describe my headaches so that the doctors best understand what I am feeling. Using proper terminology I have experienced or am experiencing symptoms of the following: tension headaches, migraine headaches, cervicogenic headaches, cluster headaches, giant cell arteritis, and idiopathic intracranial hypertension. Now, I would like to point out that my headaches have never been diagnosed and neurology and the concussion clinic both sent me on my way.
As I am sure you are dying to hear about my colorful headache-pain descriptions I will oblige.
1. The pressure point: the constant pressure in the back left side of my head which feel like someone stuck at golf ball (and sometimes a softball) in between my skull and my brain
2. The bungee cord: where it feels like there is a bungee cord tethered to the pressure point on the back left side of my head that reaches up over the top of my head and hooks in under my eye brow
3. The migraine: ok, so maybe no all of them are clever and colorful
4. The jaw-clencher: I have been unknowingly clenching my jaw since the accident, the result is a sore, tired jaw and a terrible temporal and frontal headache that feels like someone in putting pressure on my skull bones (it’s me, I am the one putting pressure on them with my jaw)
5. The “pain in my neck” headache: see what I did there? I told you-CLEVER. But seriously. I get terrible stiffness in my neck and a sharp pain in my upper neck that goes along with a dull, achey pain all over headache
6. The skull-crusher: an all time favorite, this one feel like my skull is in a vice grip and is tighening down on my brain in attempt to eradicate it from its current position.
1, 2, 3, and 6 all give me vision troubles. Good thing that isn’t terrifying.
Frustration mounts when I am in this much pain and am continually told there is nothing wrong. Good luck everybody,
Headaches are a common and painful occurrence. Almost everyone has had a headache at some point in his or her life. We’ve already talked in depth about common headaches like tension and migraine headaches. But there are less common headaches including:
Giant cell arteritis
Idiopathic intracranial hypertension
These headaches are much more rare and usually diagnosed only by specialists. In this article we will explore the causes of each headache and discuss possible treatment options.
Cervicogenic headaches are a type of tension headache generated from muscle spasms in the neck. These occur most often after neck injury, commonly a whiplash in a motor vehicle accident or similar type of trauma. Cervicogenic headaches often improve greatly as trauma heals within one to two months. Massage, heat, and ice, over the counter medications, chiropractic adjustments, and physical therapy may all be useful. About…
I'm a woman in my 40's and finally feeling that I know who I am and why I am, I would like to share the shadows from my life. Having got here fairly intact and along the way found the ability to take a step back and see things more clearly it is my hope that perhaps by blogging I may help others through their own dark places.