I cannot

I do not know how much longer I can deal with this. I have tried everything I can think of physically, mentally, and spiritually to cope with what is happening with me and my chronic pain. And I cannot. I simply cannot.

I think it is the headache that is starting to break me down. This headache that I have had for over two years. That rears its ugly head every so often to let me know it means business. This pain that will not go away no matter what I do.

I am struggling. And my suffering may just be too much to bear.

 

 

 

<Emma>

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Hiatus

SO, my friends, it has been awhile.

I have been having some ups and downs lately. Not sleeping. It is effecting my mood and my overall desire to do anything. I just feel like I am drifting away. I am just floating in free space.

I get discouraged because I don’t see improvement in my condition. No one knows why I am in so much pain. I am simply treating symptoms without being able to touch the cause. My life is a series of bandaids on a wound requiring stitches.

 

Where do I go from here?

 

<Emma>

I have been suffering

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.

Aeschylus

I believe all things happen for a reason. I believe all things happen for a reason. I believe all things happen for a reason.

<Emma>

Difficult to describe

At this very moment I do not have the words

To describe how I feel.

What I do know is that this constant feeling

Is becoming all too real.

I do not believe this is normal,

But who am I to say?

Especially since this feeling

just will not go away.

The best I can do to put this in words is to say it is a combination of ground hogs day and an uphill battle. The never ending cycle of hopes and heartbreak. A constant battle of will: Can I make it through the day convincing everyone I am all right? Even that begins to feel like a small victory– as long as everyone else thinks I am okay is mustn’t  be that bad. Sometimes, though, I fear it might even be worse. Because not only is the pain physically taxing, but the constant pretending and portrayal  of heightened spirit is emotionally exhausting. I am completely drained. I feel like I am running on empty. Far more often than I should. I was feeling like I had some inspiration yesterday where now I feel not a single wind at my back.

Perhaps I should have just kept it short and sweet and stuck with “I do not have the words”

I would love to hear what you all do when you are down to pick yourself back up. Or how you are able to maintain your positive outlook. Please let me know! I will be sure to share once I figure it out for myself.

Good luck everybody, I know we can get through this….even when sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.

<Emma>

“Chronic Problems”

I got a report back from the doctor with the results of a recent test I had. On the front page it listed all of my “chronic problems.” Talk about a slap in the face.

  1. Ovarian cyst
  2. Metrorrhagia
  3. Dysmenorrhea
  4. Headache syndromes
  5. Somatic dysfunction of sacroiliac region
  6. Pain disorder associated with psychological factors and general medical condition
  7. Temporomandibular joint-pain dysfunction syndrome
  8. Shoulder joint pain
  9. Upper back pain
  10. Chronic pain
  11. Neck pain
  12. Cervical spondylosis
  13. Occipital neuralgia
  14. Decreased concentrating ability
  15. Myofascial pain syndrome
  16. Numbness of hands
  17. Conditions influencing health status
  18. History of concussion
  19. Vitamin B1 deficiency
  20. Insomnia
  21. Memory lapses or loss
  22. Post-traumatic headache
  23. Postconcussion syndrome
  24. Myalgia and myositis
  25. Somatic dysfunction of cervical region
  26. Sleep disturbances
  27. Psoriasis
  28. Other physical therapy
  29. Nonallopathic lesions of the occipitocervical region
  30. Nonallopathic lesions of the rib cage
  31. Cervicalgia
  32. Hypermetropia
  33. Foot pain
  34. Plantar fasciitis
  35. Pes equinus
  36. Sinusitis

Thirty-six conditions deemed chronic by my doctors. Thirty-six. I would never have guessed a number this high. It is interesting to see it on paper. Just a list going down the entire page.

I am not sure how I really feel about it just yet. I think shock is the best way I can describe it right now.

Below I have described some of the conditions.

<Emma>

me·tror·rha·gia
irregular uterine bleeding especially between menstrual periods

dys·men·or·rhea
painful menstruation

Somatic dysfunction: impaired or altered functions of related components of the somatic (body framework) system. It can include the musculoskeletal, nervous, or lymphatic systems. Physicians use this term commonly in association with soft tissue injuries like strains and strains, but they do differ significantly. Somatic dysfunction occurs from a mechanical restriction first followed by an increase in muscle tone or spasm whereas a sprain or strain would first begin with an injury followed by a mechanical restriction. Somatic dysfunction is a functional impairment

The sacroiliac joint is in the low back where the spine meets the pelvis. Sacroiliac joint pain is discomfort in this area. This pain is a symptom that may come from a number of conditions or diseases.

The temporomandibular joint (TMJ) is the hinge joint that connects the lower jaw (mandible) to the temporal bone of the skull, which is immediately in front of the ear on each side of your head.

Cervical spondylosis is a disorder in which there is abnormal wear on the cartilage and bones of the neck

Occipital neuralgia is a neurological condition in which the occipital nerves — the nerves that run from the top of the spinal cord at the base of the neck up through the scalp — are inflamed or injured. Occipital neuralgia can be confused with a migraine, or other types of headache, because the symptoms can be similar. But occipital neuralgia is a distinct disorder that requires an accurate diagnosis to be treated properly.

Myofascial pain syndrome is a chronic pain disorder. In myofascial pain syndrome, pressure on sensitive points in your muscles (trigger points) causes pain in seemingly unrelated parts of your body

Myalgia means “muscle pain” and is a symptom of many diseases and disorders.

Myositis refers to any condition causing inflammation in muscles. Weakness, swelling, and pain are the most common myositis symptoms.

There is no exact medical definition of nonallopathic lesions. A lesion is typically defined as a sore or bruise on the skin or under its surface. The term nonallopathic is found all over the Internet, but has no dominant meaning. At best, a cloudy definition may be found, but should not be relied upon as the actual definition of nonallopathic lesions or the term nonallopathic unto itself. It does not appear in any major medical dictionaries or publications, thus the reason no exact definition can be found.
Above it the best I could find in my brief internet search….comforting, isn’t it?

Cervicalgia is neck pain that occurs toward the rear or the side of the cervical vertebrae. It generally is felt as discomfort or a sharp pain in the upper back, neck or shoulders.

Equinus is a condition in which the upward bending motion of the ankle joint is limited. Someone with equinus lacks the flexibility to bring the top of the foot toward the front of the leg.

Sinusitis is an inflammation, or swelling, of the tissue lining the sinuses.

5 Rare Types of Headaches & How to Treat Each

Dear Friends, let’s talk headaches. I have taken to thinking of clever ways to describe my headaches so that the doctors best understand what I am feeling. Using proper terminology I have experienced or am experiencing symptoms of the following: tension headaches, migraine headaches, cervicogenic headaches, cluster headaches, giant cell arteritis, and idiopathic intracranial hypertension. Now, I would like to point out that my headaches have never been diagnosed and neurology and the concussion clinic both sent me on my way.

As I am sure you are dying to hear about my colorful headache-pain descriptions I will oblige.
1. The pressure point: the constant pressure in the back left side of my head which feel like someone stuck at golf ball (and sometimes a softball) in between my skull and my brain
2. The bungee cord: where it feels like there is a bungee cord tethered to the pressure point on the back left side of my head that reaches up over the top of my head and hooks in under my eye brow
3. The migraine: ok, so maybe no all of them are clever and colorful
4. The jaw-clencher: I have been unknowingly clenching my jaw since the accident, the result is a sore, tired jaw and a terrible temporal and frontal headache that feels like someone in putting pressure on my skull bones (it’s me, I am the one putting pressure on them with my jaw)
5. The “pain in my neck” headache: see what I did there? I told you-CLEVER. But seriously. I get terrible stiffness in my neck and a sharp pain in my upper neck that goes along with a dull, achey pain all over headache
6. The skull-crusher: an all time favorite, this one feel like my skull is in a vice grip and is tighening down on my brain in attempt to eradicate it from its current position.

1, 2, 3, and 6 all give me vision troubles. Good thing that isn’t terrifying.

Frustration mounts when I am in this much pain and am continually told there is nothing wrong. Good luck everybody,

Minnesota Physical Medicine Blog

cluster headachesHeadaches are a common and painful occurrence. Almost everyone has had a headache at some point in his or her life. We’ve already talked in depth about common headaches like tension and migraine headaches. But there are less common headaches including:

  • Cluster headaches
  • Cervicogenic headaches
  • Giant cell arteritis
  • Subarachnoid hemorrhage
  • Idiopathic intracranial hypertension

These headaches are much more rare and usually diagnosed only by specialists. In this article we will explore the causes of each headache and discuss possible treatment options.

Cervicogenic Headaches

Cervicogenic headaches are a type of tension headache generated from muscle spasms in the neck.  These occur most often after neck injury, commonly a whiplash in a motor vehicle accident or similar type of trauma.  Cervicogenic headaches often improve greatly as trauma heals within one to two months.  Massage, heat, and ice, over the counter medications, chiropractic adjustments, and physical therapy may all be useful.  About…

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