New Year’s Resolution

This year I resolve to live with my pain, but not with suffering.



Pole Fitness

I am going to start pole fitness as a workout regime. As recommended to me by my chiropractor.

I am also going to start Dahn yoga. It is supposed to be particularly helpful to those in chronic pain. This was recommended by a friend who is also a certified yoga instructor, but this didn’t sound as cool so I left it out of the title.


Emotions + Pain

The human mind,  inherently impatient, triggers emotional reactions when our ideas about how things should be collide with how things are.  (Source)

Through the mind, we create a prison of suffering and then forget that we are the architect and that we ourselves hold the key that will set us free. (Source)


Because depression in patients with chronic pain frequently goes undiagnosed, it often goes untreated. Pain symptoms and complaints take center stage on most doctor visits. The result is depression — along with sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, lack of energy, and decreased physical activity, which may make pain much worse.

Some of the overlap between depression and chronic pain can be explained by biology. Depression and chronic pain share some of the same neurotransmitters — brain chemicals that act as messengers traveling between nerves. Depression and chronic pain also share some of the same nerve pathways.

Chronic pain and depression can affect a person’s entire life. 


Chronic pain and depression are my entire life.

In the past 10 days I have had to see two different psychological experts to have my “condition” evaluated. Not only has this caused to me undergo undue (and very unwanted) emotional stress, but has also made me increasingly frustrated. What could these two strangers assess about me in one hour visits that the person I have been seeing for a year could not? What purpose did it serve forcing me to go to these evaluations?

Have we forgotten what the term “patient care” means? Not to mention that we are dealing with someones most intimate and most sensitive pain.

I am emotionally drained and exhausted.

I have no motivation.

I am in pain.

Emotional and physical.


I cannot

I do not know how much longer I can deal with this. I have tried everything I can think of physically, mentally, and spiritually to cope with what is happening with me and my chronic pain. And I cannot. I simply cannot.

I think it is the headache that is starting to break me down. This headache that I have had for over two years. That rears its ugly head every so often to let me know it means business. This pain that will not go away no matter what I do.

I am struggling. And my suffering may just be too much to bear.






SO, my friends, it has been awhile.

I have been having some ups and downs lately. Not sleeping. It is effecting my mood and my overall desire to do anything. I just feel like I am drifting away. I am just floating in free space.

I get discouraged because I don’t see improvement in my condition. No one knows why I am in so much pain. I am simply treating symptoms without being able to touch the cause. My life is a series of bandaids on a wound requiring stitches.


Where do I go from here?