Creeping back

Just as you climb the mountain you have to plummet back down into the valley. That is the way I feel with my pain lately. You try so desperately to stay ahead of it but somehow it beats you back down. Positivity can be a friend and a curse you know? Unlike Emma I haven’t been on here much to explain my story with you and I’ll be honest the full story will come with time. It isn’t something I like reliving, I mean who does like to relive their pain? I’ve grown leaps and bounds over the last 2+ years. There were highs and lows and allegedly I am doing better by some standards. I’m told by my mother and sometimes doctors that it is better and can be worse but I’m not sure they know how it feels.

I do try to relish in the good days and beat the bad. That’s what I wanted to talk about today. I wanted to say what every chronic pain “victim” (as doctors would say)hears on a daily basis from outside unknowingly sources, YOU ARE ABOVE YOUR PAIN—PAIN CANNOT CONTROL YOU AND YOU’RE LIFE. As tired as I am to hear it and how often I do not fully believe it, I must say it is true. MY PAIN WILL NOT AND DOES NOT DEFINE ME. I refuse to let it, I will do everything in my power so it will not define who I am and how I live my life.

With that being said, these last couple of weeks maybe months have been troublesome. I feel like I am slipping back into the crippling pain that was every second of my existence. I’ve recently started boxing and kickboxing classes, and some that know me ask “How can you do that? Doesn’t it hurt you?” I try to not roll my eyes in annoyance of their questions and give them a cookie cutter response because they don’t know how it is do deal with auto immune diseases, chronic pain or anything of the sort. Yes, everyone has their own struggles that are terrible for them but by no means judge what I do. Because I refuse to waste years of my life sitting on the couch wishing the pain would go away when I could have been a factor in that equation. Again, this is my intro mild rant and a reconciled thought for me to talk with me this week while my legs tinge with pain.

I will be more than happy to share my story and journey as time unfolds. But I will if you’re reading blogs to help deal with pain or whatever reason you find to read this today, just know that it is a waste if time to read about it and not apply it. My life is now led by more eastern medicine means and theory. Come with an open mind and you can change. You won’t believe it everyday but you need to believe in it a least 60 percent of the time. You can build from there.

 

–Natalie–

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