Although I felt like I was making progress for while, I now feel like I am back near square one.
I am in what my doctors affectionately call a “pain flare” and what I refer to as “everything hurts.”
Throughout this whole ordeal I have gone through a few periods where I have not slept, either well or at all. With my recent “flare” my first goal is to get this whole sleeping situation under control. I work a rotating schedule with shift times that change every week and a half to two weeks. I work for 10 hours; 5am-3pm or 2pm-midnight. Now, neither of these shifts do anything for me in the way of creating a sleeping schedule I can keep up with on days I do not work because I have to get up at 3am to be there by 5am and I get home at 1am when I get off at midnight. The reason I have failed to adjust my schedule completely around these work schedules is mostly due to the times that are available for appointments–they constantly cut into my sleep schedule.
Last night I finally gave in to something a few of my doctors have been telling me to do for a while–to get on a regular work schedule to get sleep. I requested a modified work schedule. The reason I have been so hesitant to do this is because I am not the only one affected by this request. I could list all the reasons of how it affects others, but I will simply say that I had to sit myself down and try to convince myself that it was okay to put me ahead of everyone else this one time. I still hate myself for making the request and do not look forward to going in today to discuss it.
Learning how to put me first has been one of the hardest things through out this whole struggle and I still feel guilty doing it. But I am going to start trying to do what I think m body needs to recover and hopefully I will start making stride in improving my health and my over all quality of life.